Sunday, May 17, 2009

Vegas


Well I'm on the plane returning home from Irongirl where I thought I was going to have my best race ever.... Instead it was close to one of my worst. If triathlon has taught me anything in life, its just to hold on, keep tri-ing, move forward, breathe, and that all the training in the world does not guarantee you for a good race. Life is so unpredictable, all we can do is learn from our mistakes and TRI to become a better person. Pretty valuable lessons in life. Those lessons were what got me through the entire week and the horrible race I had. One week ago I would not have imagined the week, or race unfolding the way it did. Since I'm a pretty honest person, and I tell it like it is, I'll share this with whoever is reading. The day before Irongirl my husband finds a credit card bill-one he does not know I have.( OK... so I said pretty honest) This is not my first cc incident in our 13 yrs of marriage-so needless to say he is less than pleased, I get it -I own the bad spending behavior-just have not figured out how to change it, YET. He asks me if I have a secret life that I am spending all this money on-yeah, but, it's no secret-it's called TRIATHLON.Triathlon gear-triathlon race fees-triathlon hotels-triathlon travel expenses, 35 bike jerseys, you get the picture. Now, this all happens the day before I leave for my race. I have to fight for my marriage before I leave, I'm emotionally exhausted, I'm embarrassed that he has found out that I have done this once again. Much more comes out of this conversation, I need to start being less absorbed in triathlon if my life as I know it is going to survive. In that moment my focus changes to just getting through the weekend, the race seems so unimportant -all of a sudden triathlon seems so unimportant. All the training I've been doing seems pointless, if I lose my family.

I arrive Thursday I have a entire day to chill by myself, a lot of thinking goes on-I realize triathlon is important-all the training-it's what's allowed me to survive 2 suicides and still be a really happy person. It is a lifestyle I never want to give up. You are surrounded by this minority of people who really take care of themselves and it's inspiring in our unhealthy world. I also realize I miss my family when I'm gone and I need a way to balance it all. I will go home and find a better way to manage it all, to have it all, there is no other option, triathlon is what makes me, me but I can't neglect my family or our savings account because of it.

Hanging with all my diabetic buddies this weekend makes me realize that I want to always have them in my life too. That I NEED to always have them in my life. They continue to encourage and motivate me to take care of "the betes." I know I am doing a better job than I ever have in my almost 24 years with it, but it's still not good enough. When I'm with them and I want to be lazy about it, they won't allow it! They remind me, "You are a diabetic Ricci, go get you're meter." I can't talk back to a bunch of diabetics.... because I know they are right. They are my inspiration.

As I'm on the plane coming down from this fantasy weekend that Polar provided, I think about all the work ahead of me, kind of an overwhelming thought right now, but as I've said before, I'm no quitter. Nero called out to me in the airport, "Keep your head up Ricci." NO WORRIES, ALWAYS. (despite my 52 minute swim LOL)

Hey and as far as a race report....Let's just leave it at, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." My husband says it's Karma....karma sure is a bi---!

4 comments:

agent_nero said...

(my first try didn't post)

Thanks for sharing, Ricci. We couldn't be luckier to have you on the team. You're a blessing to both diabetes and triathlon. Keep training hard, and remember...the prize is in Arizona!

Sean said...

I echo EVERYTHING from Nero! As much as this disease has taught me that balance is so important... too much or too little of something can be dangerous, I continue to struggle to find the right balance in so many ways. I've learned that few things in life are easy, but the more challenging something is, the more rewarding the end result becomes. I marvel at how you and others balance relationships, children, training, work and so many other things that go unmentioned.

Kevin said...

The motivation goes both ways D - having you on the team makes me a better athlete, diabetic, and person.

Plus you beat the 57 minute Olympic swim i just had ;)

Sarah Jane said...

Denise, you are amazing. I'm so glad I got to share that weekend with you and Heather. I was just reflecting on it this morning, actually! Thank you for your honesty and tenacity.
-Sarah
(I don't remember my google acct name)